


A fresh start?

by Phoenix_Rae_45 (orphan_account)



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Depression, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Mild Language, Not everything is what it seems, Pregnancy, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Thoschei, everything goes wrong a lot, fam find it hilarious, mostly canon-compliant, set after series 12 ep 04, the doctor and the master are married, twelve got missy pregnant in the vault
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:40:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25358596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Phoenix_Rae_45
Summary: The Doctor and Missy lost their family a long time ago, 1998 years ago, to be precise, but they never found out what happened after they disappeared. And now, with Clara and the fam's assistance they want to get them back, but someone or something doesn't want them to, and will do everything to stop them, from traps and weapons, to trying to hijack the mind of a certain Time Lord. To top it off, Missy's pregnant and attempting to be in a relationship (which isn't going too well). And she's hiding something. Something big. Can they get the fresh start they all long for?Expect secrets, danger, romance and family. (with added rainbow unicorn onesies)Aim to update every weekend, if not more regularly (but I have little time).
Relationships: Missy & Clara Oswin Oswald, The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who), Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan & Graham O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair, Thirteenth Doctor/Missy, Yasmin Khan & Clara Oswin Oswald
Comments: 12
Kudos: 29





	1. In which the Doctor and fam recieve a surprising transmission, and meet up with an old friend.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :-) I apologise for the formatting in the first two chapters. I have tried to change it and it appears properly in the edit page, but won't appear properly when published. If anyone knows how to fix this, please tell me. I'm useless with this sort of thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! A lot of it won't make sense in the first chapter, but the second chapter will explain everything. I've never published anything before. Phoe xx

It was a quiet day in the TARDIS, Ryan and Graham were relaxing on a plush purple sofa the Doctor had recently put in the console room, and Yaz was perched on the console, every few minutes passing tools down to an oily Doctor, whilst reading her book. Apparently, the cooling systems needed updating, and so the morning had been spent in quiet, the only disturbance being the Doctor’s occasional Gallifreyan curses from under the panel, and the boys getting excited by the football game they were watching. Sheffield Wednesday Vs Sheffield United, a friendly. Ryan was a die-hard Wednesday fan, and Graham supported United, though only for Grace, they all knew he really loved West Ham.

It was just as the full-time whistle blew, that there was a sudden series of rather loud beeps, that caused Yaz to jump, and the Doctor to bang her head on the console. “Hey Doc, what’s that racket?” asked Graham, smiling slightly at the state the Doctor was in, soaking wet, and smeared with oil. “I dunno Graham, just trying to find out.” She bounded over to the other side of the console, her companions following, and grabbed the monitor. “Oh….. Oh that makes sense- I thought I changed the noise… Never mind, it doesn’t matter.” The screen had two words flashing up on it ‘incoming transmission’. “What is it?” Yaz asked, watching as the (slightly) hyperactive Time Lord raced around the console, pressing various buttons, and looking rather concerned. “No clue. Could be anything! Might not even be for us! Had that happen once, quite embarrassing incident on the planet Tyrooply…Those poor Tyropies.” She paused for a moment, and then smiled. “Let’s find out.” 

The TARDIS made a few noises, before displaying the transmission. It showed a dark-haired woman in Victorian dress, laying on mud and grass, and surrounded by the sounds of explosions. She smiled, a hint of warmth and sadness behind her icy blue eyes. “Who’s that?” Ryan pointed at the screen, but was cut off by the Doctor. Her eyes had glassed over, as she stared intently, almost desperate. The woman cleared her throat weakly, before speaking. “So, um… Hello Doctor. I doubt you’ll ever actually see this, if you do it’ll be because you’re nearby. I know what you’re like, you idiot.” The woman had a thick Scottish accent and sounded tired. “I’m dying. There’s nothing I can do. Then again, you might not survive this either so this might all be in vain. Look at me, I sound like one of your pets! I suppose you could count this as my last words, and no you don’t get to write them down, or record them or anything. They are my last words and they are only to you. So here goes… You softie. I’m glad you got rid of the bald bloke, though, and I do really feel bad for Bill. That’s new. I can’t even remember what the word is for that. You’ll know. You always do.” The woman paused for a moment and wiped a tear from her eye. “I always thought I’d die first, but I had hoped you’d be here. Dying in your arms, now wouldn’t that be romantic! I suppose you’re probably wondering what happened.” Another pause, followed by a laugh. “I chose to stand with you, I really did, but male version wouldn’t let me. I stabbed him in the back and he shot me with his screwdriver. Quite a strange case of suicide.” Yaz took the Doctor’s hand, she was crying, but trying her best to hide it. “So, old man, I have a few very important things to say. He doesn’t regenerate into me, but the one that worked at MI6…. I think you’ll have met him by the time this gets round to you, old woman. That’s a little strange. My memories must have been wiped- they’re only now coming back as I’m dying. But perhaps more than anything, you need to know this. I’m pregnant, only a few weeks, with twins. I did try to tell you but you didn’t get my hints. I’m sorry. Find them. Find our family, I refuse to give up hope, and you need something to keep you going. I love you Theta, I really do, more than anything. And I do apologise for dying. Well, we don’t like goodbyes, and I can only think of one thing to say…” Both the Doctor and the woman spoke at the same time. “Without hope, without witness, without reward.” She smiled, before lifting up her umbrella and pointing it at the screen, which went black.

No one said anything for a moment, the fam watching the Doctor with worried faces. Yaz squeezed her hand tighter and handed her a crumpled tissue. She took it and roughly wiped her face, trembling and breathing rapidly. “You ok?” The Doctor shook her head at Yaz before stepping away from the console. The TARDIS was seemingly trying to cheer her up, but it didn’t make a difference. “Shut up.” She whispered and turned to face the console. “Just shut up! Shut up all of you!!” Before anyone could stop her, the Doctor started punching the console with all her strength, crying and yelling something they couldn’t understand. Sparks were flying everywhere, and the TV on the little table was sent flying across the room, bouncing off the time column, only to be shattered into hundreds of pieces by the Doctor’s kicks and punches. The others stood not knowing what to do, never having seen their friend in a state like this before. “Doctor?” Yaz called out gently, and tentatively put her hand on her shoulder. “Stop it, please.” And she did, enveloping herself in Yaz’s arms and crying into her shoulder. It scared her, seeing the bubbly Time Lord like this. “It’s not fair, she changed….She stood with me…I’m such an idiot….”

“No, Doc you’re not an idiot, you are one of the best people I’ve ever met.” Graham joined them, holding up a convenient first aid kit that was kept inside one of the hexagon wall panels (next to the brandy). “Your hands, they’re bleeding.” The Doctor untangled herself from Yaz and shakily sat down on the sofa, still trembling. “You didn’t say who that was.” Ryan piped up, looking confused.  
“Ryan, son, it doesn’t matter.” Graham had seen the change in the Doctor’s face at his comment. “Let’s leave these two, we’ll tidy up this mess.” Yaz sat down on the sofa and opened the first aid kit, before carefully dressing the cuts on both the Doctor’s hands. “That’s it!” Suddenly, she jumped to her feet, grabbing her coat and running over to the console, flicking various switches as she went. “What are you going to do?” Ryan said, collecting the last few shards of glass into the bucket- they’d be no walking round here barefoot for a while, it was everywhere- he thought. “I’m going to save her. Well try to, she doesn’t deserve to stay there. I don’t know if I can even land, what with the black hole, the cybermen, and the fact that I’m there, about to blow the place up, but it’s worth it. Because it’s not fair, and I’m not letting her go that easily.”

The TARDIS certainly wasn’t enjoying it, throwing them around with what was the worst turbulence Graham had ever experience. A few moments later, the pained grinding of the engines ceased, much to the relief of them all. “Are you sure this is safe?” Yaz looked genuinely concerned at the TARDIS’s apparent distress about where they were going. “Nah! If I was sure, what would be the point of travelling?” She grinned, that manic Doctor grin that usually meant they were running straight into danger, and helped Graham to his feet. “Wait here, all of you.” The Doctor took a deep breath and walked over to the doors, only to sigh and yell back at the time machine. “Do you know what? It would be really useful if you actually took me where I wanted for once!” Throwing her hands up in exasperation, she turned to face her friends. “Come on you three, we’re clearly here for a reason, we might as well find out what.”  
“Hang on, where and when are we?” It was a question that Ryan still found amusing to ask.  
“Poderq 6, last moon of Zesaw, 71st Century.” Passing through the doors, the TARDIS was replaced with a large city, set in a light blue desert, all very alien looking. The streets were quite busy, with various alien species going about their daily lives. The Doctor clearly didn’t want to stick around, her usual fascination with everything gone.  
Almost as soon as they set off into the city, Yaz stopped, and called the others over. “What is it………..Oh….10 points to Yaz!” The Doctor smiled, immediately seeing why Yaz was confused, because, directly behind where the TARDIS had landed, was an American diner. “Now, correct me if I’m wrong, Doc, but that doesn’t look very alien…” Graham and Ryan joined them on the street corner. “I think you’re just hungry Granddad.”

None of them noticed the Doctor walking closer, practically staring at one of the two women behind the counter. She leant against the TARDIS, watching closely, ignoring her fam’s questions and concern. This continued for a few minutes, before one of the women, the one with shorter hair and who seemed to be doing all the work, met the Doctor’s eye through the window. She hurried outside, trying to hide the obvious smile on her face. “Can I help you ma’am?” The Doctor laughed, awkwardly playing with a strand of hair, before replying. “Clara Oswald how I have missed you!”  
“You remember me?”  
“Yeah, though didn’t expect to end up here, guess the TARDIS thought seeing you would cheer me up…”  
“And has it?” A smug look now appeared on Clara’s face.  
“Of course!” Clara wrapped her arms around the Doctor, who was grinning and crying.  
“You know, I don’t care what you say about hugs, I haven’t seen you in 5 years.” They parted and both smiled at the other, not really sure what to say. “Sorry, it’s been a weird half hour.” The Doctor wiped her eyes with the same crumpled tissue. “I like hugs in this face, what do you think?” She gave an exaggerated twirl, stumbling slightly. “It’s cute, love the coat.”  
“Um, sorry to interrupt, ladies, but who are you? Graham nodded at Clara from where he stood a short distance away. “Ah sorry, forgot you guys were there for a moment, don’t know how…”  
“I’m Clara Oswald, used to travel with the Doctor until a few years back, when, well.” She waved before raising an eyebrow at the Doctor.  
“Right, sorry, yes. Clara, meet Ryan, Graham and Yaz, they’re travelling with me at the moment. But, perhaps more importantly, I need a favour. Fancy a trip?” Clara’s eyes said it all, as she hurried inside to tell Me what was going on, and joining the group back in the TARDIS in record time. “You’ve redecorated! I don’t like it.” Throwing her bag off her shoulder, she shut the doors and walked over to the console, “You didn’t last time either! Don’t listen to her old girl…” There was a look of sadness in the Doctor’s eye, as Clara instinctively helped them take off. “So, what’s going on then Doctor? You’ve got your memories back and now you need my help. That’s strange, even for you.”


	2. In which there is hope and answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fam get some answers about the mysterious woman when the Doctor sets out to save her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. Thanks for reading. Should I continue doing the chapters with these sorts of titles? Phoe xx

It was only a short but uncomfortable trip to the colony ship, to the relief of everyone. After brushing herself down, the Doctor made her way to the doors, leaving the others with the strict instructions of staying put. She hoped that for once they would actually listen to her, especially after what happened last time she was here.

Lacking her usual enthusiasm, the Doctor stepped out into the forest, grateful to see the Cybermen weren’t to be seen, despite their location close to one of the lift shafts. She saw her immediately, Missy lying bleeding and muddy, her eyes were closed, and she wasn’t breathing. Two rels took her to the side of her oldest friend, and first love, another two to see that neither of her hearts were beating. 'No, Missy, please don’t do this to me…' There was nothing. No telepathic response. She was dead.

Yaz and Clara were watching from the monitor, the Doctor was kneeling, shaking Missy desperately, and looking more lost than usual. “What do we do?” Yaz asked quietly, not wanting to break the silence. “Nothing…. If there’s anything to be done, the Doctor will work it out.” Clara walked over to the doors, calling out to the Doctor. “We need to be going. It’s risky enough being here, but you blow up this place in a couple of minutes. She raised an eyebrow at the Doctor’s protests, but smiled warmly. “I know. You don’t need to say, I can see it in your eyes.” It was true, the Doctor’s eyes were wide and sad, and if she was in a better mood, Clara would have taken the mick out of her for it, like eyebrows used to do. 

She was right. The Doctor knew that, but she didn’t want to face this, and she couldn’t run away like she did everything else. She had no choice. Carefully, she picked up the limp body in front of her and, tears lining her cheeks, carried her into the safety of the TARDIS, the doors closing behind them. Clara didn’t need to be told twice to get them out of there, the engines kicked in as soon as the doors shut. Yaz helped the Doctor lay Missy down onto the sofa, where Ryan had placed some pillows and a blanket. “What now?” It was Graham this time, perched on the stairs. “There’s only one thing for it…” She placed both hands on Missy’s cheeks, and knelt on the edge of the sofa. Her body started to glow as regeneration energy spread into Missy. After a few seconds. The Doctor kissed her gently, only to find she was being kissed back. 'Cheeky'. She thought, breaking the kiss. 'I didn’t say stop, now did I?' Missy thought back. It was a miracle, every single law of Time Lord biology said it wasn’t possible, but it had worked, somehow it had worked. Then, Missy sat up, panting and struggling to breathe, catching Ryan hilariously off guard. “Missy, listen to me, I need you take some nice deep breaths. I’ve got you.” She wrapped her hand around her shoulder, breaking the chain of energy. Missy still couldn’t breathe, but suddenly fell back unconscious on the sofa. “What was that?” A startled Ryan glared at the Doctor, not impressed. “Old Time Lord trick, didn’t think it was possible considering my age… Anyway, Clara, give me a hand taking her to the med-bay please.” 

After they had left, Yaz, Ryan and Graham sat down on the sofa, and let their minds wonder as to who the woman was. Yaz simply thought they were friends, but Ryan and Graham were more suspicious of her. When the Doctor returned alone, they immediately bombarded them with questions, desperate to know what was going on. “Ok, ok, I’ll explain, but only if you lot stop nagging me.” Grabbing a custard cream, the Doctor perched on the console, and sighed loudly, trying to avoid eye contact. “Her names Missy, you’ve met her before.” She chose to ignore the confused faces of her friends. “You may remember her as the Master.” The three all gasped audibly, and began to protest. “Fam!! Please, I know she tried to kill you, but I’m not going to let her hurt you. Anyway she’s changed, I had been keeping her in a vault, so she would have to go cold turkey from being bad. Regardless, I’ve told you before, we’re friends, so she’s staying with us. I am supposed to guard her for another 930 years….” Yaz was still confused as to why they were friends when they tried to kill each other, but decided that was a question best reserved for another day. “She said she was pregnant?...” Yaz opted for asking about that instead, since she assumed it would be less complicated. She assumed wrong. “Yeah, twins, couple of weeks, though three years for me…. That’s weird..”  
“Whose the…. Other parent. However you people reproduce…” Ryan didn’t think he’d ever seen his Granddad as awkward as he did in that moment.  
“Who’d ya think?” The Doctor laughed and chucked her coat onto the stairs.  
“No way….” Ryan frowned, not believing her for a second. “You’re a-“  
“We do reproduce normally-ish Ryan, remember, I was a white-haired Scotsman just two minutes before I met you lot.” Yaz couldn’t stop herself from giggling, the thought of the Doctor as a man was something she just found weird. “So you’re going to be a parent…” Graham was now really struggling with his gender descriptions.  
“Already am, to 14- I am over 2000 years old now Graham. And I’m still a Dad, even if the equipment’s changed.” With that she jumped to her feet, and grabbed the empty mugs dotted around the console. “I’m going to go make Clara a tea, want one?” 

A little earlier:

Eventually, they managed to get Missy changed and onto the bed. She had a little more colour in her now than she did earlier, and her body was healing. Typically, a Time Lord would regenerate, but for obvious reasons, she couldn’t, meaning she’d likely spend the next few days unconscious. Better than dead the Doctor supposed.  
There was a little blue sofa next to the bed, and the Doctor found herself sitting down, not letting go of Missy’s hand, still crying and still sad. “Come here.” Clara wrapped her up in her arms, whispering all the funny things that had happened to her over the past few years in her ear, trying to cheer her up. The incident involving Captain Jack meeting Me was the one that made her laugh harder than Clara thought she’d ever seen.  
After a few minutes, of laughter, the Doctor got up to go make tea, not wanting to leave Missy, but really needing some air, not wanting to get all angry again. Before she left, she bent down and kissed Missy on the cheek, leaving her a mental note for when she woke up.

'We’ll be ok Kos, I love you. You’re brilliant, and after you’re better we’ll see the universe like we always planned on. It’s scary doing this again after what happened last time, but it’ll be fine, I hope.'

She really did hope it would be better than last time, she couldn’t go through that again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think, I don't have a lot of confidence with my writing. Next chapter should be up 23/24 07 Phoe xx


	3. In which the Doctor and Missy have an important conversation.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor comforts Missy after she wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry about the delay in updating this!! I've not been having the best time mentally (hence this isn't the most cheerful chapter). I suppose you could count it as fluff? Any who, I should probably warn you, there is a brief and not detailed description of someone dying in child birth. And Missy's a bit depressed. (Warned you) This story does get happier I promise!! Phoe xx

The next few days in the TARDIS were relatively uneventful. Clara spent her time sitting the library and getting to know the Doctor’s latest bunch of companions, Ryan playing video games, Graham experimenting with alien recipes, and Yaz keeping the Doctor company. Missy was still unconscious, but the Doctor had refused to leave her side, sitting on the little sofa, simply holding her hand. Yaz would have thought it was cute, if it wasn’t the same person who had left them on a crashing plane a few months earlier. She didn’t really understand why she stayed with her all the time, but knew better than to question her. Instead, Yaz supplied tea and custard creams, and company in the afternoons, usually spent with both of them reading some random book from the worryingly large pile forming in the corner.

It was here she found herself now, sitting reading a book entitled “The First Great And Bountiful Human Empire” and the Doctor, who had her head resting on Yaz’s lap, using her coat as a pillow, reading Wuthering Heights. She seemed (to Yaz’s surprise) to be actually enjoying it. 

Missy opened her eyes. The room was bright, and smelt a little clinical, but she wasn’t sure where she was. Her whole body fizzed and ached, and she wasn’t wearing her clothes- not even her corset. Just one of her old nightgowns. She would have to dispose of the person responsible for that, it was very disrespectful. As the fog in her mind cleared, she was brought back to the dream she had, about Gallifrey and the day her youngest grandchild was born, it would appear that, however hard she tried, she wasn’t ever going to have a good dream about home. The Doctor’s voice had been in her mind, telling her to come downstairs, to call for help, to say goodbye. But the voice was still there, and it took her a moment to work out that it wasn’t him as a young man, but a woman, speaking softly in a Yorkshire accent. It threw her slightly, the last time she had heard the Doctor, he was begging her not to leave, in that incredibly sexy Scottish accent he had as eyebrows. So where was she? Missy focused on clearing her head and waking up from what felt like the hangover she got the morning after her first wedding. The gentle hum of background noise told her she was on a TARDIS, and it wouldn’t be illogical to assume it was the Doctor’s. Though why would she be here….? There was also someone else in the room, but she couldn’t tell who. Then she felt the familiar feeling that made her feel safer than anything. The Doctor was holding her hand, like he would do during the many evenings they had spent curled up in each others arms in the vault. Missy slowly turned her head and saw the Doctor laying on the sofa, reading with one hand, a pile of custard creams balanced precariously on her stomach and her head resting on the other one’s lap. Her brain didn’t seem to want to co-operate, and so she squeezed the Doctor’s hand tightly to get her attention.

“Missy!!” She sat up, smiling broadly and scattering crumbs everywhere. Missy tried to respond in equal happiness and confusion but only managed to speak a few broken words. “Do…c…t….or?....Wh……er…I?

“You’ll be able to talk in a minute, don’t rush it. You’ve been out for a while.” Gently, the Doctor wiped a tear from Missy’s cheek, knowing how embarrassed she got when she cried in front of anyone else. She didn’t mind crying in front of the Doctor, in this face though, as she knew she was the only person he would ever hug willingly. Apart from Clara. Bloody Clara. In fact, she was almost worried that this new Doctor wouldn’t be the hugging sort, because, though she would never admit it, she wanted nothing more than to wrap herself up in her and cry her eyes out. Only in this face could she sink as low as having the emotional tendencies of a human.

“You’re in my TARDIS, in the med bay, and you’re safe. I don’t know how much you remember of what happened, but you’ll be fine. That’s Yaz, you met her as O, but I’m not sure how much of your memory you have back.” Though Missy remembered the Doctor being a woman, and having a rather large bunch of friends (she was clearly having a hard time with her head, that was clear), she couldn’t remember what she was like, what they did or how long ago it was. “W…W….” She inwardly rolled her eyes at her sheer inability to talk. “Wat ‘appened.” The Doctor then recounted everything that had happened since receiving the transmission, how she had miraculously saved her, and how Clara had helped her get her settled five days ago. Missy had frowned at this, until the Doctor explained that Clara hadn’t been the one to change her. It was unusual response from someone who cares for appearance, but by no means modesty, and she would be asking her about it later, this incarnation was definitely a worrier. “I….don’t remember k…kissing you.”  
“You were pretty out of it, but as long as you’re here now.” The Doctor smiled sadly, and ran her hands through Missy’s wild hair. “….ow… long…as it been since…” She was cut off by the Doctor who had worked out what she was trying to say. “Three years since the colony ship, but only about four months since we met O.” She could see Missy visibly deflate at this, feeling guilty. Or wanting to kill her, but she was hoping it was the first. She signalled for Yaz to leave, which she did quickly, going to find Clara in the library, but leaving the custard creams behind. “Why… Why are you Yorkshire?”

“I don’t know… Watching too much telly.” 

“Have I changed… I should have…”

“You look a little younger, you’re about 4 inches shorter and I swear your hair’s grown.”

“Looks like…like I’m not going to be tall...taller than you this time around…”

“I don’t think so.” She laughed, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

“Can I play you a song? You’ve got a piano round here… somewhere, and it’s a human one so you probably know it.” Missy was having to seriously concentrate on what she was saying.

“Not now, you need to rest, it isn’t just you you’ve got to think about now.” With a sigh, she looked her dead in the eye.“Are you going to tell me what’s upset you Kos? I want to help, you know I do.” Missy instinctively wiped her face with the back of her hand. 

“Only if you tell me what’s upsetting you. You seem off, Theta, even if you won’t actually say it.” 

“Am I really that bad at hiding my emotions now?”

“You could get away with it as eyebrows as you were grumpy all the time anyway.” 

“That’s just rude, but ok. You’re going first.”

“I had a dream… About home.”

“You wanna tell me about it?”

Missy shut her eyes for a minute, trying to process what she wanted to tell her, and what she would rather deal with on her own, not that the Doctor wouldn’t find out eventually, she always did. Was there really a point in delaying the inevitable?   
Her head hurt like hell, though, and she swore she could here a voice she didn’t recognise calling out to her, laughing at her attempts to get rid of it. For once, not the voice of one of her old selves, but an stranger projecting himself into her thoughts, knowing things she couldn’t believe to understand, and there, in the background, so quiet, the drumming, echoing in the back of her mind. She added that to the list of things that could wait for another day. But the voice was getting louder, practically shouting, telling her things she didn’t want to think about. “Koschei. Koschei, love, come back to me.” Missy tried to hold on, refusing to listen to the voice, not wanting to go down the path they had a couple of decades ago, but it was hard. The frustration of the past seventy years was beginning to eat away at her, leaving her with the ability to only think one word. “Help.” It was in an instant the Doctor was in her mind, trying to calm her down and bring her back to reality. Nothing like this had happened in a long time, whilst Missy had never been the best mentally, she could always fight it, and the fact she was failing scared the Doctor.

After a few minutes, she opened her eyes, gasping for air, and grabbing onto the edge of the bed, so hard, her knuckles turned white. “Kos? You’re ok, just with me in the med bay. No one else.” Missy was trying to calm her breathing down, trembling and drumming on the side of the bed. When this had happened last, not long after she had arrived in the vault, she had hidden from the Doctor for days, not knowing how he’d react to her losing control of her mind. This time, there was no running, and she would have to explain what was going on.

It was another ten minutes before Missy felt able to talk, exhausted by the strength of the telepathy. “Why did you save me?” The Doctor jumped, but tried to hide it.  
“What do you mean?” She took her hand again.

“Why did you bother? I mean, it’s not the first time you’ve saved me and I’m struggling to work out why. It wasn’t because it works, was it, because it hardly ever does, nor was it because it was fun, or easy.” Missy could feel tears lining her cheeks again, and she squeezed her hand tightly.

“You’re right, it was because it was decent, kind and because I love you. More than anything in the universe.” The Doctor wasn’t surprised she had tried to use her own words against her, it was a common coping method she had developed over the millennia. “Do you want a hug?” She didn’t really know what to say, whilst she had helped Missy through times when she was struggling, this was different. Something had happened, and she needed to find out what. There was no movement for a moment, before Missy shakily sat up, and was helped by the Doctor onto the sofa, which was more comfortable for both of them. Missy sat, half on the Doctor’s lap, her head resting on her chest, curled up in a tight ball. She was trying to hold it together, but eventually gave in, crying into the Doctor’s chest, her body jarring with every breath. It was embarrassing, the Queen of Evil stuck crying, yet she found herself no longer caring about the state she was in. Even though, technically, it had been five days since she left the ship, her last memories were there and after what he did…. 

The Doctor had wrapped Missy up in her arms as tightly as she could, singing an old lullaby from home to try and get her to relax. “I’m sorry.” Missy’s voice was hoarse from crying. “You shouldn’t have saved me, it was a waste of effort…” She attempted to move away, but decided against it. She felt better in the Doctor’s arms. 

“I’m not going to let you talk like that Kos, I mean it. I wouldn’t change my decision for the universe.” She planted a kiss on her forehead, attempting to hide the tears that glazed her cheeks. It was safe to say they were both a bit of a mess. “Do you want to talk? About the dream maybe?” The now silent body in her arms showed some signs of life, rolling over to face the Doctor, eyes red raw and lips chapped. “I suppose so.” Missy took a deep breath, and met the Doctor’s gaze, somehow managing to find her hand and squeeze it tight. “Do you think I’m pretty?”

“What?” Missy rolled her eyes, outwardly this time, at her idiot.

“I said, do you think I’m pretty?” 

“I think you’re beautiful, absolutely stunning. Why?” She brushed the dark curls out of her face, her concern managing to somehow increase. 

“Nothing…Doesn’t matter.” Missy groaned and tried to once again piece together her thoughts. 

“What’s bothering you Kos? I know it’s not just the dream.” 

“Don’t worry, just leave it, please.” Missy didn’t want to have this conversation now, or ever. 

“You sure?”

“Theta, please. I can’t deal with that as well.” The Doctor knew not to push her luck, an upset mass murderer was quite dangerous, and she liked this face. “The dream was the same one as always. I’m in the girls’ room helping them with their hair and robes, they’re all excited, when there’s a commotion downstairs, and then you call up to me. I hurry downstairs and you’re begging for me to help, before you whisper in my ear that I need to say goodbye. We run outside and into the next building, and there’s blood everywhere, and…and you’re holding her, trying to save her…Then I’m holding her too, knowing what’s happening and she looks at me with pure fear and then I wake up.” Missy was crying again now, but trying to keep herself together. “ I miss her. If I could have done something, nothing over the past two thousand years would have happened." The Doctor stayed silent, trying not to think about the incident all those years ago. “I miss her to Kos, it still hurts so much.” Missy made a lunge at the tissue box, long forgotten under the table, before wiping her eyes and handing one to the Doctor. “You know…” She said in between sniffles. “The day before we left for the colony ship, when I found out I was pregnant, I hypnotised Nardole, and left the vault.” 

“What! Why would you do that?!” The Doctor seemed rather alarmed at her submission  
.  
“I didn’t kill anyone silly, I had an impulsive decision to get a tattoo. And I knew you wouldn’t let me. I was planning on showing you when we next got some time alone, but that didn’t really work. I presume it’s gone now if you didn’t notice it.”

“Afraid so. What was it?”

“One of your pets came in to see me singing a song, and I liked one of the lines. ‘Her eyes shine bright like a sky full of comets that shoot like silver trains’. And it made me think of her.”

“Wait, wait. Why would you get a tattoo?” The Doctor was struggling to understand her logic.

“Because I felt like it. And anyway, when you can’t end the universe, you find joy in the simple acts of rebellion against your best friend.” She smiled smugly and sat up slowly, wincing slightly at the sharp pain in her back. “Now I seem to have pulled myself together, are you going to tell me what’s wrong, dearie?” Missy rested her head on the Doctor’s shoulder, her hair engulfing her slim frame. “Is it something I have done and/or will do?”

“Yeah. Not that it matters, you’re more important right now.”

“We’ve spent the last hour worrying about me. Now tell me what’s wrong, this goes two ways Theta.”

“You destroyed Gallifrey Koschei. You killed them all…” Missy tried to hide her shock, but the Doctor noticed. 

“Why. I mean, I hate them but why, not when they might still be out there.”

“O said it was something to do with the Timeless Child- whatever that is-, but I really don’t know. I guess that’s why you lost your memory.” Neither of them spoke for a minute, Missy desperately trying to remember anything to do with O. “ What if the Timeless Child is one of the kids? The voice in my head, it knows things, things I don’t even know about… Do you think me destroying Gallifrey has something to do with the voice in my head, it wouldn’t be stupid to suggest that it was the Time Lords who wiped my memory, and that who or whatever is responsible has something to do with…Well that doesn’t matter. Just a psycho.” The Doctor decided not to ask her what she meant as she had been reluctant enough to talk to begin with. “Maybe, who knows. Right now, it doesn’t matter. We can sort everything out another day, so stop stressing about it.”

“Can I see? Can I see Gallifrey? Please, I know you’re going to say I shouldn’t, not after the day I’m having, but I need to. Please Theta.” The Doctor eased Missy off her shoulder and stood up, grabbing her coat and the biscuits. “Ok, I don’t think it’s the best idea but I’ll take you. On the condition you have something to eat and drink, and get some rest after. Deal?” She nodded, and stood in front of the Doctor. Still shorter, and disappointedly not ginger- she really fancied teasing her if she got her ginger hair back. “I’ll meet you in the console room, you can grab some clothes from the wardrobe.” Before she could leave, Missy grabbed her hand, kissing her passionately, the Doctor having frozen slightly in the moment, after being caught completely off guard. “Missy… What was that for?” 

“I realised you haven’t been kissed by me for three years, that’s all.” And then she elegantly strolled out the room. Missy. Her Missy, alive. She couldn’t be happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :-) I do know roughly where this story is going, however I am more than happy to accept requests. Also, I should probably mention that Missy's mental health is not going to be the main focus, whilst it will crop up now and again, it won't be in every chapter. If it is in there, I will try to remember to put it in the notes, so you can skip if you want. Phoe xx


	4. In which Missy gets angry and they go to Gallifrey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Missy gets angry and they go to Gallifrey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don't have an excuse for not updating. Oh well. Quite happy with this one though. Please tell me what you think. Phoexx

The fam had followed the Doctor into the console room with the sandwiches they had made for dinner. They were all a little confused as to what was happening, but the Doctor wasn’t listening, instead hurrying around the console, pressing various buttons and levers. An awkward silence filled the room for a short while before a sing- song call came from the top of the stairs where Missy had appeared, dressed in her Victorian outfit with her hair flowing freely past her shoulders. “There really wasn’t a point in getting yourself all dressed up; we’re only going to be 5 minutes.”

“I’m a Time Lady; I have to look my best at all times. Now would you do my hair please, Doctor dear?” She handed over a small pile of clips and a hairbrush in return for the egg mayo sandwich and water the Doctor had been holding. “Go on then, just to cheer you up. How do want it?”

“So I can put my hat on please.” The Doctor sighed, beginning the lengthy job of Missy’s hair. 

“No way can you do hair, Doc…” Ryan and Graham looked amused at the thought.

“I’ll have you know, I have done Missy’s hair for years! And I had daughters and granddaughters, so I’m not that useless. But why am I doing this for you?” 

“I was shot with a laser screwdriver, can’t reach up properly. Can I put some music on?” 

“No, no-“It was too late, Missy had flicked a few switches on the console, and suddenly ‘I can’t decide’ was blaring out of the speakers. The Doctor sighed even louder this time, but Missy was oblivious, singing and dancing very loudly. She attempted to turn it off, but the TARDIS seemed to be enjoying what was happening, and chose to make it as hard as possible for the Doctor to stop the racket. Eventually, the music stopped, which of course led to Missy complaining. There was always something she had to moan about. “I am actually pregnant, aren’t I? I didn’t dream that.” she blurted out suddenly, rummaging in her pockets for something.

“Yep you are, somehow…”

“Good. I think, I don’t know… We’re actually doing this then.”

“Apparently.”

“Ok then. We can do that, hopefully.” Missy turned to face the Doctor, a small smile on her face. “I love you. You know that don’t you?” She found herself being pulled into a tight hug and a kiss planted on her forehead. “Can I have my hat back?”

“Do you always have to ruin the moment?” She nodded and extended her hand for her hat. It took longer than expected to find it, with Missy getting increasingly annoyed. The TARDIS had hidden it, after the Doctor’s rather explosive regeneration, in one of the wall panels. “Is this it? “ Yaz was balanced on Clara’s shoulders and waving a flamboyant hat above her head. She passed it down, struggling to keep her balance and dropped down onto the sofa. Missy studied her reflection in the monitor, delicately placing the hat on, adjusting the crumpled feathers and fake berries. 

After pulling faces and over-dramatic poses at herself for a moment, she froze, tracing a line from the brim of her hat, down to her jaw and turned away, pinching the bridge of her nose with a sigh. “You ready to go?” The Doctor had appeared from the lower deck, having cleared up the mess she’d made in the hat search. She cocked her head at Missy, but her friends only shrugged. “Missy?” She rested her hand on her arm and realised she was crying again. “Why does this face keep crying? It’s annoying…”

“It shows you are experiencing the universe again, instead of just passing through. What’s up?” She pulled away from the Doctor and caught a glimpse of her appearance out of the corner of her eye. Something inside must have flicked a switch, and she went into defence mode. The hat was thrown across the room, disappearing into a dark alcove. The Doctor went to grab it but thought better when she saw the look on Missy’s face. “Take this, chuck it into a supernova or something, I don’t care.” She ripped off her neck tie and thrust it into the Doctor’s chest, finding her broach in a pocket, and attaching it to her collar. “That’s your favourite; you wear it all the time, why would I get rid of it?”

“Does it matter? I never want to see it again.” 

“Kos, you’re getting yourself all worked out for no reason, please-“

“No reason?! No reason!!! If you knew you wouldn’t say that! You don’t understand what happened and you never will! I’m scared, the drumming’s back, there’s a voice in my head, but you don’t care, you stopped caring a long time ago! You promised to protect me, but you can never protect me from myself! Years and years of being on my own, watching you fall in love and remarry! You think you’re so special with your moral high ground and always being unarmed, but you have killed so many. At least I can admit to my actions! You asked me who I would die for?! Well, I would die for you, Theta, always for you! You’re just to busy flirting with your humans to realise that!” And then she hurled as many insults as she could think of across the room, before yelling something she instantly regretted. Her name. She had said the one thing that could never be spoken.

The Doctor turned white as a sheet, and Missy gasped, covering her mouth, and silently leaning against a crystal pillar, sliding down to the floor. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” The only sound in the room was Missy, quietly crying. Clara spoke first, being the one other person who understood the gravity of what just happened. “Doctor, pull yourself together. This takes a second to fix, and you’re no use to us frozen like that.” She had turned into Miss Oswald, which was surprising. What was even more surprising, however, was she went to sit next to Missy and give her a hug. The Doctor couldn’t quite believe it, after everything Missy had done to Clara, she was willing to forget. To be kind. That’s what she always told people, and she had forgotten it herself. 

“I’m sorry, Kos, I should have dropped the subject.” She wasn’t really sure what else to say, but could see how exhausted Missy was making herself. “Go rest, love, you’ve half regenerated.” 

“After I’ve seen Gallifrey. I’ve kept my half of the deal, now you can keep yours.” She stood up and brushed down her skirt. “I’m really sorry. I mean it, I didn’t…”

“I know. Shall we get out of here?” She nodded taking the Doctor’s hand, and walking over to the console, trying to avoid the looks she was getting from the others. As they took off, Missy pulled out a small scrap of cloth from her pocket, it was dark red, and from when she used to always have to repair rips in robes. Now it was her reminder to be good, like she had been then. She could feel the Doctor eyeing up what it was, but couldn’t be bothered to explain why, after all these years, she still carried it around with her. Fortunately, the TARDIS chose the perfect moment to land, and she walked to the doors, the Doctor following, still looking somewhat flustered.

A small part of her didn’t want to believe what the Doctor had said about Gallifrey, but any hope she had was extinguished as soon as the doors opened. “Puppy? Keep the other pets over there please…” Clara wasn’t a fan of being called ‘Puppy’ but wasn’t going to argue it. Missy sounded angry. The TARDIS had landed on a cliff, a short distance from the Capitol, or at least what was left of it. Missy couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing, smoke was rising in the distance, and everything around them was covered in ash and soot. Buildings had collapsed, and the whole place was deadly silent. It looked like it had done in the early days of the war, before both sides became monsters.   
After little more than a minute, she turned away and walked back over to the console, shutting the doors behind her. “There’s one more place I’d like to go.” 

“Can we go tomorrow? You need to sleep.”

“I’ll be quick, I promise.” With that the TARDIS took off, only to land again a few seconds later. They hadn’t gone far. “Missy! You can’t just fly off like that. I thought you were bio-locked out anyway.” The Doctor didn’t look impressed as Missy laughed from the doorway. “Exactly, bio-locked. It’s like your sonic being voice activated, it’s useless.” She was right, not that it made it any less annoying, but she was right, again. 

Missy stepped out into the remains of what would have been, a long time ago, an extremely impressive building. The far wall still remained, with two windows (one for each sun) and a statue of Rassilon in the middle. The roof had fallen in behind them, and it looked as if the rest wasn’t far off. The dark red floor was covered in dust and rubble, some of which had made it onto the low table at the front. On the table sat a book, it was yellowed and singed, the front covered in ornate Gallifreyan writing. It was the book of every member of Oakdown house, and had sat here for thousands of years. Whilst Missy chose not to stay with the house, she had still made the trip to log the births of every child she had. “You wanted to see if it was still here, didn’t you.” The Doctor appeared behind, leaning against the TARDIS. “Yeah. We’ll have to come back when these two are born, might as well stick with tradition.” She yawned and made her way back inside. “You don’t mind keeping with tradition?” 

“It only makes sense, even if there is little point these days. Now, go to bed Missy, before you end up passing out. I’m not dealing with that again.” The engines groaned into life and they left their home behind. “Are you not taking me back to the vault?” They didn’t have a destination, and were instead floating in the vortex.

“We can decide about that tomorrow, right now you need sleep. I’ll get you a room.” She should have seen it coming, the subtle look of disappointment on her face at the thought of having her own room. “Go on then, you can share mine, just don’t take my side of the bed.” Missy gave her a kiss on the cheek before vanishing up the stairs in a swish of skirts, leaving the Doctor with a small smile on her face, that she couldn’t hide. “I have a lot of questions…” She was shaken from her thoughts by Yaz, who looked noticeably puzzled. “Same here, Doc, you’ve just kind of ignored us.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it.” Clara laughed to herself, causing the Doctor to glare at her from around the pillar.

“And are we living with a psycho??” Ryan seemed terrified of the prospect. 

“It’s been an eventful day, can we talk tomorrow? I’ve had a lot to take in.” They wanted to argue it, but knew there was no point when she was like this.

“You look tired Doctor, go get some sleep. No excuses.” Clara looked worried, and she had a point. The Doctor hadn’t noticed how tired she was, though, at the same time, she hadn’t slept a wink since they brought Missy back, so she wasn’t surprised. “Fine, but there’s something I need to do first.” She moved away from the console, joining her friends, then beckoning Yaz forward. She placed her hands by her temples, but before she could act, Yaz pulled away. “Wait, what are you doing?”

“I need to wipe a few seconds of your memory to keep you safe, it won’t hurt and you won’t even know it’s gone.” 

“Why?” 

“Missy said my name, and there are people out there who would kill to know it, and they can do it from your memories.” Yaz hesitated for a moment, not sure whether to trust her, ‘don’t be stupid, she’s your friend’, she thought, and so agreed. The Doctor was right, of course, it didn’t hurt at all, just felt a little strange. Ryan and Graham allowed her to do the same, but Clara paused. “You’re definitely not doing this to get rid of me, I don’t want a repeat of last time.”

“No! I wouldn’t do that without telling you.”

“You weren’t planning on last time, if I hadn’t have been eavesdropping, I would have trusted you. I felt betrayed, I really did.” With that she stepped forward, breathing a sigh of relief when she didn’t pass out, and could still recount their adventures. 

“I’m sorry that I was going to do that to you. I didn’t want to, but I wasn’t sure what else to do. I shouldn’t have saved you in the first place, but I couldn’t lose it all again.” By the time she had finished Clara was hugging her, the height difference between them making it easier than before. “Never trust a hug, it’s just another way to hide your face.” The Doctor smiled, completing the hug with less awkwardness than eyebrows ever did. “You’re all eyes again, I hoped you would have learned to keep those things under control by now.” 

“You may be my best friend, but do you always have to be so insulting? Even Missy’s not that bad.” The Doctor simply grinned, saying goodnight and going to find Missy.  
To her surprise she was still awake, standing in her night gown, looking at the many photos and trinkets that lined the bookcases on her side of the room. “I love how you still keep the other side empty. You’ve missed me haven’t you. Wanted me back for a while.” There was a murmur of agreement muffled by her tee-shirt as she changed into dark blue pyjamas. It was true, one side of the room had shelves and a desk covered in clutter, as well as a door to her personal area of the wardrobe, whilst the other only had the bathroom door, nothing on the walls and no furniture. “You’re a sentimental idiot, you really are.” Missy’s gaze had settled on a picture of them on their wedding day, when they were only one hundred and one, a very long time ago now, and the last time Missy had been a woman. They’d married as soon as they could after finishing at the Academy, and had gone to Earth for their honeymoon, starting the Doctor’s fascination with the fairly pointless planet. It had been an interesting holiday, neither of them had liked leaving their four month old daughter behind. Missy had been very insistent on wearing the Dark Star alloy brooch the Doctor had bought her when she was born, and refused to go swimming in the sea because of it, claiming it was a barbaric excuse to get wet.

By now the Doctor had collapsed onto the bed, the mattress creaking beneath her- it had to be a good thousand years old by now. Missy joined her, wincing slightly at her back pain. “How did you get you hair down?”

“With great difficulty and pain, you were taking a while. Now, let me sleep.” She kissed her tenderly and rested her head on the Doctor’s chest. 

“Love you Kos.”

“Love you too Theta.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should Missy return to the vault? And this won't be the last you see of Gallifrey...Phoexx


	5. In which Missy settles in and a mysterious visitor calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Missy has her first morning on the TARDIS, comes clean about some things, and then a trip to the beach is interrupted. Because of course it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :-) This chapter doesn't have much plot, and is basically so I can include a few details before the story gets interesting and stuff starts happening. The calm before the storm, you could say. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. Phoexx
> 
> Finally (cause I'm an idiot and forgot) thank you sooooo much for 200 hits. It means more to me than you could imagine.

5- In which Missy starts to settle in and a mysterious visitor calls.

The Doctor hadn’t slept that well, and when she woke to the sound of knocking on the door, she wanted nothing more than to block it out with a pillow and stay under the covers. Not that she would be able to move, with Missy being half on top of her, finally asleep. She had spent most of the night waking up with horrific nightmares, and then taking over an hour to get back to sleep. It was like being back at the Academy again.

The knocking on the door became more aggressive, resulting in the Doctor calling out a sleep-filled “Come in.” It was Clara, who was already dressed, hair and makeup done.  
“Morning you two.” She was smiling, which couldn’t be good.

“Hello, you’re up early. I thought humans liked sleep.” She was now laughing.

“I may have gotten up earlier than usual today, but at the same time, I don’t count ten o’clock as early.” There are some moments in life, when Clara wished she had a camera- the singing on Akhaten, for example- and this was one of them. The look on the Doctor’s face was absolutely hilarious, as the reality of her lay-in dawned. “Clara Oswin Oswald, you’re not being funny, I’m always up before you!” 

“You haven’t looked at the clock yet, have you?” The Doctor shook her head, turning to see the alarm clock, which clearly said 10:08. Damn. 

“This is like that time when you…”

“Shut up.”

“And you call yourself a Time Lord, Doctor.”

“It’s been a long week, Clara, and please don’t mention that day again, it’s embarrassing.” 

“Or when-“

Clara had barely shut the door when the quiet thump of a pillow hit.

The TARDIS had many living rooms, but the one used the most was at the bottom of some stairs, just off the main corridor. There were numerous comfy chairs and a large sofa, as well as a TV and a piano with photos dotted above it. Yaz and Ryan were having a competition, playing a video game Clara didn’t recognise, and Graham was completing the crossword in the Sunday paper. They all looked up as she arrived, perching in the largest armchair, the one the Doctor had never allowed anyone else to sit in. “Are they awake?” Ryan paused the game and joined Graham on the sofa with Yaz. “Doctor is, just about. I’m not going to let her hear the end of this for a while.” There was silence for a moment, until Graham looked up over the paper. “I don’t trust her. That Missy woman, when we last met her, she left us on a crashing plane. How do we know she’s not going to do that again?” Ryan muttered his agreement, it was a valid point. 

“That was in her past, she doesn’t remember it, and even by her terms she was acting strange. I trust her, not completely but I trust her enough. I know how much she means to the Doctor.” Clara was only half listening.“I don’t get that, he tried to kill her, but she still trusts Missy.” Yaz was staring at the ceiling, deep in thought. 

“It took me a while to understand as well. They only have each other, they’re both over two thousand years old, have tried to kill each other an awful lot and have lost everything too many times to count. Missy seems like she genuinely wants to change, I might even get an apology.” Clara looked up at one of the pictures above the piano, her and Danny. The Doctor had taken it when he worked as a caretaker at the school, before Danny knew who he was. She felt a hand on her arm, it was Graham, she was crying. She missed Danny more than anything, even six years on. Ryan, on the other hand, was oblivious to the situation, and kept going. “I mean, what I don’t get is why the Doctor would get a murderer pregnant, is that not dangerous. And anyway, why didn’t she just ask if she could stay, instead of assuming? It’s weird. I don’t want her getting hurt.”

“She doesn’t need to ask, and if it was that risky, do you really think I would still be here? She turned my boyfriend into a cyberman, and tried to trick the Doctor into killing me, after we saved him from the Daleks. So she clearly doesn’t pose that much of a threat. Regardless, is it really any of your business? I was going to kill her, after what happened with Danny, but I didn’t do it, and I’m glad I didn’t. I’ve not seen the Doctor this happy since I met them.” Graham looked at Ryan, almost disappointed, before turning to Clara. 

“How long have you known the Doctor?”

“Eight and a half years, it’s really complicated.”

“Isn’t everything with her.” Clara found herself laughing; the Doctor seemed to have good friends this time around.

It was half past ten when Missy stirred, rolling off the Doctor and turning to face her, smiling. “Hello Theta.”

“Moring Koschei love. You look a little better today.” She absently played with a strand of Missy’s hair. 

“I never said, I like the new face, it took you long enough to get the upgrade.” The Doctor blushed, embarrassed as usual. “You are too cute, one day you won’t be so awkward.” She shook her head. “I don’t think that will ever happen. I’ve missed this though, me and you.” She kissed her, and finally sat up. “We should probably move, it is ten thirty.” Missy sighed and headed off to find some clothes.

When the Doctor made her way down to the lounge, twenty minutes later, she found Clara telling stories of their adventures together, and how she could play guitar (to Ryan’s amazement). “Look who decided to get up!” Yaz said, with added sarcasm. The Doctor rolled her eyes, collapsing onto a bean bag, staring at the photos on the wall. 

“I was awake most of the night with Missy, so I think I have a good reason to sleep in.” She sounded distant and lonely. The quiet seemed more powerful than usual, especially when the Doctor appeared to be so detached from the world. “Doctor? Doctor!” It took a moment to jolt her from her thoughts. “Where is your guitar?”  
“Missy hid it, who knows where it’s got to.” Then the quiet resumed, no one wanting to disturb the Doctor in thought- even Missy’s appearance a few minutes later did nothing. Well, nothing until she threw herself onto the Doctor’s lap, causing her to yelp in surprise. “Missy! What was that for?”

“You were looking like a lost bit of luggage, thought I’d check you in.” She smiled almost childishly, trying to look all cute and innocent. The Doctor chose to ignore her, and returned to staring at the picture in the middle of the array above the piano- River and him on Darilium, the singing towers in the background. Missy followed her gaze, the pieces clicking into place. “Happy wedding anniversary, Doctor.” 

“It’s not our-“

“Yes I know that, you idiot, it’s yours and River’s. Ours is next Wednesday.” She smiled again, more genuine than before. 

“Thanks. I thought you hated her.”

“More jealous, she was alright. Bit annoying though.” The Doctor laughed, some things didn’t change. 

“You said ours was next week, it is for me too. Have we done the impossible?” Missy sat up, flicking her hair off her shoulder. 

“How many years?”

“Two thousand, one hundred and eight. I think at least.” A deer in headlights would be an understatement to describe the look on Missy’s face. “We have haven’t we?” The Doctor couldn’t quite believe the irony; they were back in sync, for the first time in almost two thousand years. “The transmission, I was nowhere near the Mondasian ship; someone must have done something, because this is too weird of a coincidence.” 

“Maybe so, but does it matter? We can actually celebrate our anniversary on the same day of the year. And maybe we could finally renew our vows; you know I’ve wanted to do that for ages.” The Doctor nodded, drifting back into her mind. “You’re good company today, aren’t you?” Missy seemed frustrated, but attempted to get to her feet and ended up stuck in the beanbag, until Clara offered her a hand, still the only one to trust her. “You’re wearing something different, I’m surprised.” Missy laughed, this face did that a lot, and brushed down a floral print skirt she was wearing with a dark blue blouse and her brooch. “My coat is singed beyond repair and all my other clothes are in a vault, I don’t really have much choice.”

“That skirt’s from our honeymoon.” The Doctor emerged from the bean bag, grabbing onto the coffee table to help herself up. “Is it? I don’t remember, and even if it was how would it have survived?”

“You bought it from a little market stall in London, and modified it- what are you doing?” Missy was having difficulty removing one of the wall panels, and when it eventually fell off she practically squealed with happiness. She was such a child. “Stay out of my secret jelly baby stash!” 

“You may have jelly babies, dearie, but I have my humbugs.” Missy pulled out a half empty bag of the sweets, and slipped it into her pocket (only after taking one for her, or maybe three). As she unwrapped the first, her face lit up with an idea, which could only mean one thing. The Doctor was about to get wound up. Badly. “Would you like a humbug?” Missy retrieved the bag and handed it around the room, pretending not to notice the scowl forming on the Doctor’s face. “Hey Doc, lighten up, humbugs are delicious!” Graham was handing her one, but she refused, only able to say one thing in response. “Jelly babies are better.”

After being telepathically insulted by Missy for a good two minutes, the Doctor sprung to her feet, a perfect idea for revenge coming into her head. “Missy, fancy some breakfast? You guys could have some brunch or something.” The mention of food had both Missy and Graham halfway up the stairs before she had even finished talking. At the same time she wasn’t surprised, Missy would eat anything. Even Clara. 

The walk to the kitchen wasn’t long, past the macaroon dispenser, under the stairs, past the toilet and the games room- and possibly the rainforest but that kept moving at the moment, and the Doctor was yet to find out why. When they walked into what was basically an advanced Earth kitchen, complete with the random table humans insisted on having, Missy immediately took charge, making her way over to the cupboards, pulling out a vast array of ingredients. “Sit down with the others.” She snapped when the Doctor stepped in to help.

“Why? I’m perfectly capable!”

“Please, the only thing you can cook is omelettes and fish fingers and custard. Even an untrained Ood would be more skilled.” She crossed her arms, blocking the Doctor’s path with her best intimidating pose. There was no point in arguing with her, Missy could be very persuasive when it came to cooking, but only because she took great joy in actually being able to cook (unlike the certain someone now sulking at the table). 

Yaz, Ryan, Graham and Clara were studying a book that had been sitting on the table. It was blue, with a pattern on the front that looked remarkably like the TARDIS doors. Yaz had just gone to open the first page when the Doctor sat opposite, and immediately snatched the book away, holding it against her chest, trembling slightly. “That’s private, you had no right.” She was angry, very angry. 

“Sorry, we didn’t mean to, we were just curious.” There was no response, until Missy piped up, her head in a cupboard. “You know, you’re over two thousand years old, they’re not going to kill you if you actually talk to them about anything other than what happened in the past 3 years you’ve known them. Clara met her, sort of anyway.” She reappeared above the worktop with a stack of plates and glasses. “It doesn’t matter anyway, she’s dead. I can never see her again and I have to live with that. I’m never going to see her, her parents, or Bill, Rose, Donna, Sarah-Jane, Susan or any of the others. I don’t know why I bother; I show them the stars and ruin their lives. I’ve lost everything. Why am I getting so angry? It’s my fault.” The Doctor got up, joining Missy near to the kitchen. 

“You loved her, and that’s all that matters. Trust me, I’ve been her.”

“Are you being nice?”

“Yes. Is that a problem? I could kill you if you prefer?”

“What? No! I’m just surprised that you seem to care.”

“I’ll pretend not to be a tiny bit offended, but you’re forgetting I did spend the last seventy years of my life trapped in a vault that you guarded. Even if I hadn’t I’ve known you since we were eight, so I like to think I know you better than most, considering everything. I have always cared about you. I just either have the issue of drumming driving me insane or a reputation to uphold, now shoo and go apologise to your pets for snapping at them.” Missy swatted at her using her umbrella which had been leaning against the fridge, deciding it was strangely satisfying to put the Doctor in her place. She should do it more often.

Unfortunately, the act of revenge the Doctor had thought of chose that precise moment to occur. She had been careful to pick out a revenge plan, that whilst annoying, wouldn’t result in her being murdered or tied up to something- or whatever else Missy could delight herself with doing. Now she was in a new body, it didn’t bear thinking about. That was for another day. The idea was simple, suggest having breakfast, which would result in Missy cooking, and then hope she would discover the new addition she had added to the oven. Originally meant for Yaz, it would do, and maybe she wouldn’t be as quick next time to steal her jelly baby tradition. 

Missy put the frying pan on the hob, and turned on the oven. She squealed in shock as a jet of water came squirting out the vent behind, hitting her square in the chest, and soaking her blouse through. “Doctor!!!” She bellowed, fists clenched. The Doctor was just about to sit down, when she turned around to see her storming over, umbrella in hand. “What the actual hell do you think you’re playing at? I’m soaked! You absolute arse! Why would you do that!?” She grabbed the Doctor’s shoulders and pinned her against the wall. “Don’t. You. Dare. Do. That. Ever. Again. It’s. Not. Funny!” With each word she prodded her in the chest with her umbrella, to make sure she got the point across. “Do that again and I’ll wipe that arrogant little smile off your face. You hear me?” Missy let go and she fell to the floor in a heap, still smiling. 

“Love you too.”

“Oh shut up, I’m trying to cook.” The TARDIS beeped and hummed in reply. “Are you laughing? You are aren’t you. Sentient ships, always think they know best. Stop laughing!” Everyone else in the room was now laughing as well, causing Missy to give up on talking to the time ship, who clearly had no plans of listening, and sonic herself dry before returning to cooking.

When the food was made- something that resembled both a pancake and an omelette- Missy carried down the plates in an over the top fashion, working clockwise round the table. Graham’s face lit up with delight and confusion as he ate. “I don’t know what this is, but it is delicious Missy.” He said with a smile. The Doctor looked like it was her birthday as Missy handed her a plate. “I haven’t had this in over three years, thank you!!” She simply rolled her eyes, sitting in the free seat and holding the Doctor’s spare hand tightly. 

“What even is this?” Ryan asked. 

“Traditional Gallifreyan breakfast. You’d have it on special occasions.”

“Much better than the usual rubbish we’d have. This is actually edible.”

“You always were one to complain darling.”

After everyone had eaten, the Doctor volunteered to wash up, humming a tune to herself as she did. Missy saw this as the perfect opportunity to bring up an important subject. “Are you taking me back to the vault? It’s ok if you don’t want me here, I understand.”

“I won’t take you back, on the condition you stay good and don’t hurt any of my friends. No second chances. What makes you think I don’t want you?” 

“You’ve moved on. I just turn up and ruin what you had going on, it’s not like either of us actually wanted to end up parents again. We screwed it up badly enough the first time.” The Doctor suddenly decided that there was a stubborn stain on a plate, and was scrubbing it as hard as she could. “We only screwed it up because we were trying to follow society’s expectations, something which was an accident waiting to happen. We can raise these two how we want to, not how they did.” She wiped a tear from her cheek and turned to face her, resting her hands on Missy’s stomach. “I will never move on from us, because I never want to. After the war, I may have given up hope, but being forced to guard you for a thousand years has changed that. I could have executed you, but I didn’t because you were scared and because you are my best friend. There is nothing you could do that would change that. But I don’t want us to just be friends anymore, and occasionally have a little fun while you’re ending the world, or get drunk and end up in the position we are in now. I want us to be together again, properly, like we used to. I love you Master, and whilst there are some things you have done that I can’t forgive you for, we have a fresh start. Back to the beginning, back to being husband and wife.” Even though they were both born men (and were now women), Missy had been a woman when they married and it had kind of stuck. “There is no one I would rather be the mother of my children.” Missy didn’t know what to say, so she kissed her. It would at least give her a moment to work out how she was going to word her response. “I don’t know.” The words came out and she couldn’t stop them, “I want nothing more than us, like we used to be all those years ago. It has been a difficult few days for me, my last memory before waking up was technically killing myself, and being killed by myself. Things happened on that ship, things I don’t want to talk about, but things that are eating away at me, and scaring me. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m here to help you. If you want to talk you can, but I won’t force you. We’ll work out how to get rid of the voice in your head, and the drumming, so they don’t do any damage. Promise. Has it been saying anything?” 

“Plenty, however I’ve spent most my life trying to block out drums, I like to think I have an advantage. The voice is clearer, I don’t know who it is but it’s a man.” The Doctor had her thinking face on as she tipped away the water in the bowl. “I’ll wire you into the telepathic circuits, see if anything comes up.”

“Thanks, but not today. I haven’t been in fresh air for seventy years, I need to get out and breathe; I have a feeling the telepathic circuits aren’t going to bring up anything pretty.”

“Beach?”

“You know it! We need to pop via the vault on the way back so I can grab my things as well.” Grinning, she ran out into the corridor, leaving behind a cacophony of questions. 

“I’m going to take you all to a beach planet, with beautiful seas and sand, all the ice cream, fish and chips and drinks you could ever need. We don’t need to discuss my private life.”

“Missy denied it when I asked her, but I’m not surprised.” Clara said, leaning over the bar.

“She does that, don’t take it personally. I think she likes you anyway.”

“Doctor, if nothing else, will you tell us what that book is?” Yaz meant it; she clearly wasn’t going to be leaving until she got an answer. 

“It’s my late wife River’s diary, that’s all.” ‘Answer in a way that would show you wanted to have anything other than this conversation’ she thought, and got up to leave. 

“She was nice, I can see what you saw in her.” Clara was following her out into the corridor, what ever happened to alone time?

Twenty minutes later, everyone met in the console room. Missy had shed her numerous petticoats, but still didn’t look particularly beach worthy (it was probably the boots). The baseball cap she was wearing for the 2074 anti-grav Olympics didn’t really go with the outfit, but it had been a great day- even though the Doctor came last. The TARDIS landed smoothly, the monitor showing they were no more than one hundred yards from the sea. “Come on Team TARDIS! Let’s have some fun!”

“Team TARDIS? Seriously? You have to be kidding. I might just go throw up!” Missy playfully slapped the Doctor on the arm. “That’s a stupid name.”

“No it’s not. Come on, let’s go to the beach!” No sooner than those words left her mouth, there was a knock on the door. 

“Doctor? Are you in there? I’ve been looking for you and I need your help.” The Doctor looked like she’d seen a ghost, Missy looked like she wanted to strangle someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you there was little plot. Who is the mysterious caller? Who is the voice? What happened in the ship? I'm laying loads of little clues, it's quite fun. Nothing is set in stone (I'm useless at planning), so I'd love to know your opinions and theories. Oh and the anti-grav Olympics is from the Bells of St John, if you were curious. More coming soon. Phoexx
> 
> I love how the longest chapter is the most useless...


	6. In which a bad situation gets worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mysterious visitor brings news, and Missy decides to hide the truth again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :-) This chapter contains angst, Missy having a meltdown amongst other things. Phoexx

“Hello Doctor?” The Doctor remained rooted to the floor, her mouth opening, but no words coming out. 

“Oh please, I’ll deal with this.” Missy got up and hurried over to the doors, putting on her best I’m totally not about to kill you face. “Hello there young sir, how may I help you?” The mysterious visitor extended his hand. “Captain Jack Harkness, and who are you?” She knew how much Jack hated her, so said the first name that she thought of. 

“Beatrice, Beatrice Masters. Good to meet you too.” 

“Nice to meet you Beatrice Masters.” He kissed her on the cheek (which was surprisingly restrained for him) “Can I come in, I need to speak to the Doctor, it’s important.” It took all her strength not to shut the door in his face, but she knew she’d be told off for it. Returning to the vault was the last thing Missy wanted, in fact, she didn’t think she could be on her own at the moment, it would most likely be dangerous, or end up in her being self-destructive, and she didn’t want to do that again. 

Jack strolled casually into the TARDIS, a broad grin on his face. What Missy hadn’t been expecting (though she really should have) was for him to run over to Graham, arms extended with a cry of “Doctor!!!” Graham was unable to resist as Jack kissed him, incredibly enthusiastically. “How are you Doc?” 

“Wait… Who even are you? I’m, I’m not…She’s over there.” He pointed with a shaky hand across the room, still a little shocked. 

“Never mind, and she? Why has no one told me this already?” He laughed and jumped off the sofa. “Good kisser by the way.”

“Are you telling me you kissed back, Granddad?”

“You see, Ryan son, I didn’t really have much choice, he was-“

“Yeah, I totally believe you.” As they continued their argument, Jack crossed the room to where the Doctor and Yaz were sitting on the stairs. Yaz was quick to direct Jack to the Doctor, not wanting to receive the same treatment as Graham. He kissed her, even more passionately than he had kissed Graham. Missy couldn’t help but giggle as she watched, it was worryingly natural. “Jack, I-“

“Missed me?”

“Yeah, of course. Sorry, just wasn’t expecting it. I mean, if anyone else from my past wants to turn up this week…” She hugged him, beaming.

“Hang on, why didn’t you say I’m not you, Doc?” Graham asked.

“Thought it would be funny, anyway, what are you doing here? You said you needed my help with something?” 

“Jack?” Clara was standing on the stairs, regretting her decision to wear a bikini top. “My face is up here, thank you very much.” She brushed past him, giving him a quick hug. “Nice to see you. I take it we’re delayed leaving?”

“Unless you want to see me in a speedo…” He smirked and Clara rolled her eyes.

“No one needs that Jack, no one.” She sat down next to Graham, who gave her his jacket.

“It suits you.” Missy nodded at her.

“The top?” 

“Yeah, I should really dig out one of my old bikinis…”

“There is no way you own a bikini.”

“She does, I made her wear it because I thought she was lying.” The Doctor called over, heading upstairs to make tea. 

“Hello, who are you?” Jack had that look in his eye again.

“Yaz, why?”

“Stop it!” Her voice may have been muffled, but it was loud enough to echo back down the corridor. The TARDIS must have moved the kitchen, so she could stay in earshot of Missy. “I’m just saying hello!” He looked a little offended, but also used to it.

Jack spent the next few minutes chatting to everyone, telling them how he knew the Doctor, and that he was immortal. Missy nodded along at all the right places, asking the right questions, but she wasn’t listening, instead hoping that the Doctor would be back before she took great joy in slitting his throat. Some people were just like that. Luckily, the Doctor returned with a tray of tea and biscuits. Who knows where she was getting all the biscuits from. Placing the tray on the side table, she sat down on the floor with Jack and Clara, and unwillingly Missy. “So, Jack. You said you needed to show us something important?” The Doctor leant around Missy, who had thrown herself half into her lap. “Well, I was on the planet Karn, after I crashed landed escaping from some Judoon. I was trying to fix my ship, because I didn’t want to have to talk to the Sisterhood. Just as I was about to leave, Ohlia I think her name is, came up to me and asked me to find the one closest to you; then give them this scroll.” He pulled out a cream coloured scroll from his pocket, and the Doctor and Missy couldn’t stop themselves from gasping. “You know a lot of people, but I thought a good place to start would be River, considering you are married. I found her at the Lunar University, after coming back from Darilium. She translated the text for me, as it is written in Gallifreyan, but told me that she was the wrong person, and to find you as soon as possible. So here I am, at the orders of your late wife.” He looked at the Doctor, who couldn’t work out what she wanted to say.

“It’s our anniversary.” She eventually managed to blurt out, smiling at the irony. “I don’t know what she told you, but that’s a Gallifreyan Matrix Prophecy. There are loads of them; all written up by the High Council’s scribes after the Matrix creates them. What does it say, or do I need to translate it?”

“River gave me a written English version.” He cleared his throat, and unrolled the scroll, smoothing out the paper. “It says: One dark day, two warriors will come looking for what they lost. But they shan’t receive it as he is always five steps ahead. They are destined to fail, every time, despite how much they claim to love each other, they are built on lies. This is what they will carry to their graves. Any idea what that means?”

“Every word… That definitely has nothing to do with River. This isn’t good.”

“Who is it to do with? After River told me what it meant, practically everyone is ruled out.”

“It doesn’t matter who, all that matters is what happens now.”

“Do you know who it is? Or what this thing you and the other person are going to look for. Matrix prophecies are usually fairly reliable.”

“Yes, I do. I know the answers to both, it really doesn’t matter Jack.”

“What was it? The Doctor and the Master, married for eternity, connected through the strength of the love in the beating of their hearts, and the thoughts of their minds. Or something to that effect. May have shortened it, you know cut out a few words here and there, it’s only been a couple of thousand years since I had to recite that.” Missy had taken the scroll from Jack to read it, when it suddenly dawned on him who ‘Beatrice’ really was. “You! It’s you! How could you! I thought you were dead, I watched you die, he was crying and begging you to change. I should have known I would bump into you again. How could you do what you did that year? What you did to him. You killed me, hundreds of times!”

“Jack, please calm down, things are different now, if you let her explain.”

“How could you let her on board, she’s a monster!”

“What would you like me to do? Apologise? Because if it’s an apology you’re looking for, I’m happy to give you one! I am a different person to what I was then. When I took over the world, I had just come from the Time War, I wasn’t myself, and I was struggling. These days, I am learning to be good. Not everything I do may be perfect, but I’m trying! Really, I’m trying, and it’s exhausting.” She could feel the Doctor mentally telling her to calm down, though there was little point. “I regret my actions, if I could change it, then I would in a heartsbeat.”

“That doesn’t mean I forgive you, I’m immortal, I get that it’s different for me. That doesn’t excuse what you did to Earth, to Martha and her family, and to the Doctor.”

“I know that, I really do. You don’t know how many times I have apologised for what I did that year to him. How unworthy that makes me feel! I don’t deserve the affection I get after what I did then and before. Yes, I know I left you lot at the end of the universe with zombies, but here’s the thing. I have never wanted to kill the Doctor, I mostly just want to annoy them, but that time I didn’t care, and that disgusts me. You try being in my head for a moment, you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself.” Missy was standing as close as she could to Jack, incredibly intimidating, despite the height difference between them. “I’m sorry, Master, but I struggle to believe you.”

There wasn’t enough time to stop what happened next. Missy grabbed him around the neck and waist, pulling him against her. He tried lashing out at her, but she had held him tight. It quickly became obvious he couldn’t breathe, but she was squeezing his neck. The Doctor lunged for her, grabbing her around the waist with unexpected strength. After a minute, she managed to pull her away from a now blacked out Jack. She wasn’t giving up, punching and kicking the Doctor, screaming at her to let go. “Missy, you need to calm down right now, or you know what I have to do, and I don’t want to do that.” She wasn’t listening, using all her strength to get free, crying and still screaming. “Can someone grab the little blue gun from the draw?” Something had clicked in Missy’s brain, and she was begging her not to, in both English and Gallifreyan. 

“Got it.” Yaz said, holding the gun up to show the Doctor, which was a bad idea, as the sight itself made Missy fight even harder. Jack had woken up; scarpering to the side, worried about what was unfolding. “Missy, Missy please just listen to me.” The Doctor spoke quietly, it was a miracle she could actually hear her. “We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way. I know how much you hate the hard way, but if you don’t calm down I have no choice.” They both seemed terrified, the Doctor of Missy getting free, and Missy of the gun. Koschei, please, you’re safe here with me, just take some deep breaths. You don’t need to get yourself in such a state.” It wasn’t working. “Yaz, I need you to shoot the gun at Missy for me.”

“I don’t want to hurt her.”

“I can assure you, it is much better than the other option. You won’t hurt her.” Her hand was shaking as she fired the gun. Missy went limp almost straight away, collapsing into the Doctor’s arms, muttering in Gallifreyan. “Rest Kos, don’t fight it. I need the little red box that’s also in the draw please.” She whispered, as she rested the completely delirious Missy against the sofa. Jack handed the box over, which contained two pairs of cuffs. “How is that right?” Graham asked, watching as Missy’s hands and feet were cuffed. 

“I don’t like it either, but I don’t know how she’ll be when she wakes up, and I need to keep you safe. If we were alone, I would have let her ride it out, but I can’t always control her. I didn’t want to risk it.” 

“Why do you have a gun thing?” Ryan had taken the gun off Yaz, and was examining it.

“Tranquiliser gun, bio-locked so it only works on her, so I wasn’t sure if it would. I have never used it, because it brings back painful memories for her, but Nardole did. He couldn’t control her, and in the first few years in the vault, she would try and kill him weekly. We’ve got a little while before she wakes up, let’s try and come up with some sort of plan as to what we do now.”

Three hours later, Missy began to wake up. Her whole body ached; her vision blurry, but she was used to that discomfort now, even though it had been a while. No one had noticed she was awake, the Doctor was writing on a large piece of paper, and there were books scattered everywhere. Clara had clearly taken control- she had never seen as many post-it notes dotted around. A nudge in the ribs alerted the Doctor that she was coming round. “Hey Missy, you’re ok, we’re in the console room, I don’t know if you remember what happened.” She gave a small nod.

“Can you un-un cuff me please. I can’t…” Her voice was barely whisper, the strength zapped out of her. “Promise to stay here, so I know you’re safe?” She nodded again, allowing the Doctor to release the cuffs. “You don’t trust me at all do you? I know you don’t trust me with other people, but you don’t even trust me on my own. I’m over two thousand years old; you don’t need to mother me.” There was a clatter as her hands became free again. 

“I just worry about you, that’s all. I need you Kos, I do.”

“If you worried so much you would have made more of an effort in the past. Don’t touch me!” Missy jerked away, pulling her knees up to her chest with a sigh. “I’ve told you before, I wish I had treated you better than I did, and I want to change that from now.”

“When did you tell me that? I think my memory is a bit off today.”

“That’s ok, I told you a few times in the vault. Do you want to talk about what happened?” Missy ignored her, shuffling slightly to see Jack, who was reading a book. “Jack, I'm sorry I tried to hurt you. It sounds pathetic to say, but I felt threatened. I don’t know why, but I did and that’s not your fault. My mind isn’t working right at the moment after what happened a few days ago, but it doesn’t make it ok. There, happy Doctor? You were only going to ask for me to do that eventually.” 

“What? Yes of course, the fact you are apologising is good, really good. I’m proud of you.” The Doctor was holding several pens in her hair, making it hard to take her seriously. 

“Do you have to be so patronising? You sound like you’re talking to a child. I'm perfectly capable of apologising to someone when I want to. Not only that, but last time I checked, I'm also perfectly capable of existing on my own, it just isn’t an idea I'm the biggest fan of. You’re lucky I'm pregnant.”

“You know, just once, it would be nice if you could actually seem to try. I always have to make the effort, even when we were young. I think you tried maybe once in the entire seventy years in the vault. I saved your life, because I love you, and because the universe wants you dead, but you don’t care.”

“Maybe because I don’t! I didn’t ask you to save my life! I love you, and yes maybe at the time, I did appreciate it, but since then, I don’t know why you bothered. And I try, all the time; you just don’t see it, probably because you’re better than me.” The Doctor got up, walking over the piece of paper and several books, before landing the TARDIS somewhere. “I don’t even know why I bother, I got you pregnant- which was a mistake- but you seemed to want it. I never said the same.” Then the doors slammed shut and the room fell silent, all eyes turning to Missy. “She’s hurting, it’s fine. The apologises will start soon.”

“That doesn’t give her an excuse to talk to you like that.” Yaz had gone to follow the Doctor. 

“I’m surprised someone is actually standing up for me. Don’t worry though, she’ll be back soon, this happens regularly. What were you doing with the paper and books?” 

“The Doc believes it has something to do with your family that you had together, so we’ve been looking into any similar prophecies, as well as the mind control and a few other things to see if there is a link.” As Graham was explaining her pointed at the various notes scattered across the paper. “She hasn’t really said why we’re looking at these specific things; do they make any sense to you?” Missy read over the paper a few times, before grabbing a pen and adding a few ideas and facts that had been obviously left out. She then wrote the numbers 26, 28,30,32,34 and 36 in a highlighted bubble with an exclamation mark next to it. 

The group continued to work through their resources until, half an hour later, the Doctor returned. “Hi everyone!” She appeared to be happier than earlier. “Missy, I thought as an apology I would get Mexican. It is takeout Friday, and I’ve been to your favourite place. I was out of order with what I said, I didn’t mean it.” Mexican was Missy’s favourite, and she wasted no time in taking the bag from the Doctor, giving her a kiss as she did so. “It’s ok, I forgive you. Now, up to the lounge, you guys look tired. Are you staying Jack?”

The next few hours were spent with food and Missy’s favourite musical. She sung along to all the songs with Yaz, who was the only other one to have seen it (the Doctor had but she had seen it so many times, she was slightly sick of it). After they had eaten, the Doctor took a trip back to the vault for Missy’s few personal belongings, while she organised the mess in the console room. They offered Jack a bed for the night, but he declined, saying “I’ll come back when you need me most, but aren’t expecting it.” This was now written at the bottom of the sheet of paper. Graham had fallen asleep on the sofa, so they all decided to go to bed, having not noticed it was almost eleven o’clock. 

Missy had gone to bed, but couldn’t sleep. A quick walk down to the console room, fly out to a nearby nebula, and sit with her legs dangling out the doors. Alone with her mind, she thought about what had happened on the ship, as she watched the beautiful sight. It couldn’t have been more than ten minutes before a rainbow unicorn sat down next to her. “You alright?” She nodded, giving her a hug. 

“Theta, why are you better than me in every way? It’s annoying.” The Doctor laughed shaking her head. 

“That’s not true Kos; you are absolutely brilliant, better at a lot of things than I am. You look like you want to tell me something.” 

“I do, but I'm scared to. I don’t think it helps that I miss her today, more than usual.”

“Sorry, am I interrupting something? I didn’t realise you two were here.” They both jumped out their skin as Graham joined them in the doorway.

“What are you doing here?” The Doctor could feel Missy clinging even tighter to her now. 

“Since Grace died, I’ve been a bit lonely, especially at night, so I sometimes come down here to talk to the TARDIS. She’s good company. I also found this in the corridor.” He was holding a guitar, one of the several that had gone missing. “Can you play us a song?” Missy asked. The Doctor took the guitar off Graham, and started playing ‘Yellow’ by Coldplay, she loved that song. “You like Coldplay?” Graham hadn’t been expecting that.

“I wrote Yellow. Good friends with Chris Martin, he was on my chess team with the Brothers Grimm.”

“You didn’t!”

“Did you? Why have you never told me this?” Missy was playing with the unicorn horn on the onesie. 

“I did, I wrote it for her.”

“Who?” Missy was going to roll her eyes at the usual human ignorance, but then he didn’t know, and therefore that would be unfair. 

“Our daughter, she died a long time ago now giving birth to our granddaughter Susan.” The Doctor got there first, which she was grateful for. She couldn’t even think about it some days without getting upset, and today was one of those days. It was clear Graham wasn’t sure what to say in response, so he stayed quiet for a minute. “What was your daughter’s name?”

“She went by Titania, because Time Lord names are way too long.” Missy had rested her hand on her stomach, vowing to herself to do better. 

“That’s a lovely name.”

“Yeah I suppose it is.” Neither of them noticed Missy growing quieter and quieter, until she was wrapped in a suffocating hug. 

“I’ve got you Kos, always.”

“Always.”

The three spent the rest of the night chatting, promising not to tell another soul about their conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the abrupt ending, I wanted to get this up today. As always feedback is much appreciated. Hope you enjoyed. Phoexx


	7. In which Missy writes a letter, a telepathic bond is formed, and she is hooked up to the TARDIS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something's coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm back. It's been 4 weeks since I last updated, but to make up, this chapter is the longest yet. I've not updated simply because I've been dealing with going back to school, and I have had a lot of crap to do with that. So yeah, I'm sorry and I aim to return to updating on Sundays, however I'm not going to promise anything. This chapter has yet more angst because there just is and a mention of a miscarriage. You'll probably notice I start adding little things to Gallifreyan lore and such, simply because I have a whole thing on my version of Gallifrey. Anyway, sorry for waffling, enjoy. Phoexx

“Why didn’t you take me back to the vault?” It was four o’clock in the morning and Missy was pacing around their bedroom. 

“Can we talk about this later, I’m trying to sleep.” A unicorn grumbled from beneath the duvet. 

“I mean, you said that you wouldn’t give me any second chances, but yet here we are. I’m confused, and I don’t like feeling that.” There was a sigh as the Doctor sat up; hair sticking up at all angles. “Sit down.” She said, reaching for a notepad on her bedside table. “Did you write in your diary?” Missy nodded, leaning into her chest. “I didn’t take you back because I thought there was a reason that you attacked him; the way you reacted suggested putting you in the vault wouldn’t do you any good. I took a chance because I wanted you to open up about what’s bothering you.” Missy stayed silent, twiddling her thumbs. “I thought you might like the chance to talk before I plug you into the telepathic circuits later.”

She moved away from the Doctor, almost in fear, and disappeared under the duvet, pretending she was going to sleep. “Koschei, I’m not stupid, I can see you aren’t trying to sleep.”

“Go away.”

The Doctor also pretended to sleep, attempting to listen to Missy’s thoughts, but her shields were up as high as they could go. After what felt like a second of eternity, but was probably only an hour, she tried again. “What are you thinking Kos? I know you’re awake.”

“What does it matter?” 

“Please talk to me, I just want to help, at least try and fix things.”

“Theta, let’s be realistic. I’m beyond help and being fixed. Half of everything that’s happened in my life, I haven’t told you- if I did you’d have given up hope along time ago. And if you are that interested in what I’m thinking, you can have a look.” Missy allowed the Doctor into her mind, careful to show her only what she wanted. “Now can we talk about something else please?”

“Ok, but don’t think about that day, not now.” Missy sat up, reaching to take the notepad, beginning to write. “Tell me about what you’ve been up to the past few years, it’s not like I have done anything.”

“Did you really get a tattoo?”

“Stop changing the subject! And no, I was just testing this new face of yours. Now, talk.”

The Doctor felt like she was treading on eggshells for the rest of that morning. One moment Missy was her usual self, insulting everyone and threatening to remove their organs, the next she was silent, or curled up crying. Her behaviour was growing increasingly erratic, and the Doctor was getting more and more concerned. The TARDIS had given Missy a music room to hide in throughout the morning, which was probably a good thing; you could cut the tension with a knife.

When Missy was stressed about something, it was always best to leave her to it, so the Doctor found herself wandering around the top floor of the library, where she kept all her Gallifrey books and photo albums. There wasn’t a particular book she was looking for, or a certain genre she was trying to find. Just her and her books. Calm. She turned a corner to find Ryan out of breath at the top of the stairs, placing the album she was looking through on a nearby shelf. “Hi Ryan, what ya doing?” Ryan wasn’t sure if she trying to be cool or not, so decided it was best not to ask. “Missy demanded I brought this up to you, and after what happened yesterday, I wasn’t going to risk asking why.” He pulled an envelope out of his jacket pocket, which the Doctor took with a furrowed brow. Sitting down on an incredibly comfortable sofa, she took out the letter silently dreading what was inside.

Thete,  
I know what you think this is, and it isn’t, I promise you. I am simply writing you a letter like we used to do all those years ago as love struck idiots. I suppose some things never change do they? Anyway, I digress. I love you. I really do, and I know I have said that a lot these past few days, but I feel like I should, after everything. I saw the anger and pain in your eyes when I left with him, the betrayal that must have really hurt a lot. I don’t deserve you, regardless of what you say, you are just too good for me. Always trying to help me, never giving up on what is a lost cause. I haven’t yet worked out why you’re still here with me, and probably never will. Look at me, getting all soppy.  
I wanted to say sorry, and explain myself, to at least some extent-if I explained everything I haven’t told you, you’d need the rest of this regeneration just to finish reading it. When I say I’m sorry, I truly mean that. Everything I have done to you and your friends, without a care, but without you I wouldn’t be alive. Not only because I would have been executed a gazillion times, but because I genuinely couldn’t survive in a universe without you. There I said it. I’m sorry for abandoning you in the desert on Crentu that day, I don’t think I ever did apologise. I will never forgive myself for that, with what I did afterwards making that even worse, though that is a story for another time. I’m sorry for not being a better mother, and I am sorry, so sorry for losing your daughter. I know you don’t count her as your child, as she was never born, but I do. That was my entire fault, and I know that. And I also know you still blame yourself for that, and please don’t. We were young and stupid then, not even a hundred and it was bound to happen. You have fifteen children Theta, and we have fourteen beautiful time tots together. Nothing will change that, not now, not ever.  
I also said I would explain myself, but I don’t think I can. My head is being one great hypocrite and it is making things quite difficult at the moment. Meeting old me has brought back a lot of things I would have happily forgotten. It’s hard, but I’m going on for you and for the twins. I’ve not been this terrified about what happens next since the war, which is saying something. Whilst I may not be able to tell you what I need to, I promise you that I will, one day. Not just what happened on the ship, but everything. I’m just scared you’d leave me if you knew the truth.

I love you, always

Your Thetrena Koschei xxxx

The Doctor sat for a moment, placing the letter down on the arm of the chair. Thetrena was the Gallifreyan word for your marital partner, but it had no close English translation, and it was a word Missy hadn’t used with her since they lost each other on Crentu, nearly two thousand years ago. The name Theta roughly meant beloved and originally came from that word, which was something she thought of as she processed what she had just read. “Are you ok Doctor?” Ryan’s voice brought her back to reality, having completely forgotten he was there. “Yeah, of course. I’m the King of ok! Well the Queen, but you get my point.” Ryan always found the Doctor forgetting her gender hilarious.

“Can I ask you a question about Missy?” 

“Sure, what is it?”

“Are you two like married or something, because I know you said you had a wife, but you guys are way more than friends.”

“Yes we are, and I was also married to River much later because Time Lords actually can’t get divorced, and at that point I’d lost all hope.”

“Why didn’t you ever mention that, when we met the Master, or just in general the fact that you have two wives? I know you’re a private person, but we are your friends. We tell you everything and you tell us nothing.”

“Technically, I have been married an awful lot more, only two properly. Ryan, if I told you about my past, you wouldn’t believe half of it, and the other half is too painful. You are by no means the first people to travel with me, there have been so many, but they all leave me or something horrific happens to them. A lot of those things I don’t like thinking about. You are the first people I have travelled with who even know this much about me. River is dead in my timeline, and I shouldn’t ever see her again. Missy I thought had betrayed me, running off with herself after he nearly killed me and turned my friend into a cyberman, so to see the Master made it worse. Now, if you don’t mind, I need to go and speak to Missy.” She had perhaps been a little too blunt towards him, but in that moment couldn’t care less. 

The music room had been moved to outside the library, soft strands of piano travelling under the door. She knocked four times, receiving a mental welcome from the other side. The door opened to reveal Missy, sitting at a piano, playing a song she didn’t recognise. “Hello Theta, what do you want? I’m busy.” 

“Come here.” The Doctor beckoned her forward, and she begrudgingly complied, dropping her coat on to the piano. 

“You know, I have much better things to be doing than playing you silly little-“Before she could finish, the Doctor pulled her into a suffocating hug. ‘I take it you read my letter then.’ 

‘I did, and I didn’t know how to respond at first. I will never leave you, regardless of what you have to say. I love you Koschei.’

‘You say that a lot.’

‘Well, it’s true, so why wouldn’t I?’ Missy grabbed the Doctor by the suspenders and kissed her. She hadn’t expected her to kiss back, but she did, and this time didn’t move away. They both half fell onto the small sofa under the window, refusing to break the kiss. The Doctor’s hands were all over Missy, letting her hair free and tracing the perfect curves of her body. But then they weren’t. The Doctor was shoved off the sofa, landing painfully on the floor. “Koschei, what the hell?” She sat up, looking over at Missy who had coiled herself back into a ball once more. “What’s wrong, did I do something?” She sighed, dealing with her mood swings was exhausting and she was running out of ideas. 

“I thought I could, but… You know what? Just leave me alone.”

“Please talk to me Kos, I hate seeing you upset.”

“Go now, Theta. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Ok, I’m here if you need me.”

Whilst she didn’t like leaving Missy on her own, it was clear she wasn’t going to help the situation. Setting off to find the fam, still holding the letter, she made her way to the kitchen. There always seemed to be a least one of them in there. As she approached, she could hear voices from inside, but she paused when she heard what they were saying. “Are you telling me they’re actually married?

“Yeah, I know, it doesn’t make any sense.”

“As long as they’re both happy, it really doesn’t matter.”

“She’s a murderer, how can you be happy married to someone like that?”

“I thought that might be the case from the moment I met her, but I didn’t question anything. Missy’s whole thing is trying to make the Doctor see that they are not that different, so maybe that has something to do with it. Who she marries doesn’t matter, though I am starting to suspect she has a thing for criminals.”  
“It would have been nice if she told us these things. We barely know who she is…”

“I have a feeling that is all about to change, and as they are very private people, I highly doubt either of them are looking forward to this. Give her time, and she will tell you what she wants you to know when she is ready. It took a very long time for my Doctor to open up about even the smallest thing.”

The Doctor was grateful for Clara, as always being the peace keeper. The door was open, but she stayed back, unsure of whether she wanted to go in, after Ryan had told them presumably everything she had said to him. And, for some reason, Missy had written half the letter in English. At least Graham hadn’t mentioned their conversation the night before, because she had told him an awful lot none of her other companions knew about her.

They all looked up as she entered, heading straight for the kettle. “Hey Doctor.” The Doctor had heard Yaz, but decided to ignore her. 

“Doc, do you want the rest of the biscuits?” Ryan this time, but she still said nothing. 

“You’re always telling me not to ignore people, Doctor…” She jumped at the sound of Missy, who was standing next to her with a smile. 

“What do you want?” She barked, grabbing her coat from Missy and turning away. 

“I-I just came to apologise for shoving you earlier, and to ask you something. Sorry, I’ll go. “She sounded quite fearful of her, which the Doctor didn’t think had ever happened before. “Don’t, it isn’t you.” She took both of Missy’s hands, kissed them, and then left the room. 

Missy hadn’t tried to stop her leaving as she had been too busy staring at her hands. She still wasn’t used to the Doctor grabbing them like that, having spent so long trying to avoid any physical contact with her. On Gallifrey, kissing your partner’s hands was traditionally a sign of true love, and was never to be done in front of anyone else. In fact, even holding hands in public was frowned upon, so for the Doctor to make absolutely no effort to hide it was strangely arousing. Not that she’d admit that to anyone. “Missy?” She now noticed Graham standing opposite, making tea. “Do you want one?” Missy nodded, grabbing the sugar from the cupboard to hide the fact she was shaking. 

“What have you four done?” She asked, sitting down in between Clara and Graham at the table. 

“What do you mean?” Yaz asked.

“You are the reason she is upset, I can tell.”

“Oh…. She must have heard the conversation we were having.”

“Good, we’re getting somewhere. Well done Puppy.” She rested her hand on Clara’s thigh, a sly grin on her face. “Get off Missy!” Clara swatted her hand away, rolling her eyes. 

When the Doctor had stormed out the kitchen, she hadn’t given it any thought as to where she was going, and so decided to head off to the old store room. The TARDIS wouldn’t let anyone else in there. She made herself comfortable on an old chair she’d put there several lifetimes ago, and stared at the objects on the shelves. It was like a continuation of the shelves in her bedroom, but instead went as far back as to when her eldest child was born. The birth notices of all her children, one of Susan’s hairbrushes, Sarah-Jane’s camera, Rose’s jacket, Rory’s name tag, a card from one of Clara’s students and of course River’s outfit changing spray. Everything in this room belonged to one of her companions, or her children. Anything that wasn’t solely hers. It felt wrong to put these things anywhere other than here, in case any of them ever came back. She knew that wouldn’t happen, but admitting to it was too difficult. It was better to have a time capsule. There was a time when Amy’s model TARDIS was on her bedroom bookcase, but it felt wrong, as if having the belongings of someone who had died on display, when of course she was alive and well in the past. For years, the Doctor had also kept their bedrooms, exactly as they had left them, but after the incident when the TARDIS became human, a lot of them had been lost. What the TARDIS could save had been placed in this room, which was now guarded with the same protection as the console room. It had originally only kept the things of her children, but it did the job. She had spent days organising everyone’s belongings, placing their books on a shelf in the library, filling boxes with clothes and random human things. The sheer volume of stuff made the room incredibly cluttered and absolutely massive, with yet another room off to the side filled with her things. Living two thousand years certainly makes you think about what you’ve done. 

The door creaked open, and she could see Graham through a gap in the shelf in front. “Doc, are you in here?” She sighed and called over.

“Behind the shelf Graham.” He shut the door and joined her, smiling broadly. “Did Missy send you?”

“Yeah, she said the TARDIS would take me to you. What is this place?” He perched gingerly on the second chair, gawping at the clutter with a look of wonder that only humans had. “It’s full of things that belong to people who used to travel with me, and what I took from my home on Gallifrey. The crib in the doorway, for example is over two thousand years old, and fourteen babies have slept in it.”

“Doc? Why did you run off earlier?” He had followed her gaze to a series of old photographs, wonkily hanging from a wall. 

“You guys were talking about things I had hoped Ryan wouldn’t have repeated. I don’t like people knowing anymore about me than they absolutely have to. I know this mess I appear to have gotten myself into is going to reveal a lot of things only Missy knows, but I still want to guard what I have to say, until I need to mention something. What I told you last night, no other person who has travelled with me knows, apart from Susan and River, but even they only know half the truth.”

“I get you’re a private person, but maybe it’s better to be honest with us, because at least then things are on your own terms. We don’t know what we’re getting ourselves into, but from the looks you and Missy keep giving each other, it sounds dangerous. I can’t imagine how scary it is to be in a position where what you guard is at risk of being exposed. A prophecy about your kids isn’t a normal occurrence.”

“You’re a wise man Graham, even if I am more than ten times your age.”

“Age doesn’t matter. We’re both Granddads and that makes us the wisest people around.” The Doctor couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “Is that her? The picture, is that Titania?” He’d noticed she continued to stare at one particular photo- a heavily pregnant young woman with ginger hair, next to an older woman with equally ginger hair. “Yeah, her and Missy, a few days before. One of my favourite photos of both of them. Only slightly ruined by our youngest photo-bombing.” 

They’d been chatting for a little while, neither of them wanting to leave the quiet peace of the store room, when the Doctor suddenly leapt to her feet with a face displaying every possible emotion at once. She sprinted out the room, coat flailing behind her, Graham not far behind. His fitness levels had certainly gone up since meeting the Doctor. He tried to yell after her, not knowing as to why she took off, but she kept going, stumbling down the stairs into the console room, where Missy and the others were. 

Missy was standing perfectly straight by a column, hands resting on her stomach, no one coming near. “Missy, you called? Is this what I think it is? What happened?” 

“Calm down Theta, please. I was on my way to find you and yes. Yes, yes, yes.” She was speaking Gallifreyan. This was actually happening. “Ok, take some deep breaths, you’ve got this Kos.” 

“What’s going on, why can’t we understand what you two are saying?” The Doctor didn’t see who asked, her mind focused on about a thousand other things. 

“The most beautiful thing in the universe, and we’re speaking Gallifreyan.” Nothing else mattered right now, nothing but this.

“I'm scared, Thete, this is terrifying. I don’t want to make the wrong decision.”

“I’ve never done this, but I have been with you every time, and you have always made the right choice. Give me your hands.” The Doctor gently took her hands and rested her head on hers. A physic link only able to be created by your soul mate, and they had first achieved it at fifteen. Missy’s mind had always been fractured, but full of rich elegant colours, whereas hers was a flowing rainbow of brighter colours. “I think I know, what do you want?”

“You’re in my mind Koschei; you know what I’m going to say.”

“Ok, are you ready?” Missy pulled away, resting her hands once more on her stomach with a shaky smile. She cleared her throat, still shaking. 

“As a Time Lord of the Prydonian Chapter, I, Koschei Oakdown wish to be the bearer of a boy and a girl, for the growth of Gallifrey and her Dominions. I wish for the physic bond to be formed.” Seconds later she fell back into the Doctor’s arms, exhaustion washing over her. 

“I thought you weren’t going to do that Kos.”

“Shut up, not now. Creating a physic bond is horrific.”

Missy was gasping for air and moaning in pain, but then suddenly passed out, being caught perfectly by the Doctor in the process. “I hate being a woman some days…” She managed to mutter, but sleep took over her as she felt a kiss on her cheek. “I’m proud of you Kos.”

“What the hell was that?” After laying her down on the floor, and placing her coat under her head, she turned to face the confused faces of her friends. “When a Gallifreyan has been pregnant for a lunar cycle, which is about an Earth month, the gender of their baby is chosen, and a telepathic bond is formed between the birthing parent and the child. It hurts an awful lot, which is one of the reasons why we don’t usually reproduce naturally, but is absolutely amazing.”

“Will she be ok?” Clara looked surprisingly worried.

“She’ll be asleep for a while, and then more grumpy than usual, but she should be fine. If anything’s going to go wrong it will most likely go wrong now. I might as well connect her to the telepathic circuits because there is no way she’ll let me when she wakes up.” The Doctor fished out a strange headpiece from who knows where and carefully placed it onto Missy, turning a dial on the console and grabbing the monitor. “What are you looking for?” Yaz was watching her from the sofa.

“I want to trace the signal of the voice in her head, she’s suffering enough as it is, but something like this makes her incredibly dangerous. Even I’m scared of what she could do. It’s better for her in the long run if I do this now.” The TARDIS seemed to beep in agreement, displaying a series of complex symbols. Missy cried out in pain, but stayed asleep. “I’m sorry love; I don’t want to hurt you.” Whether or not she could actually hear the Doctor, or if she was just saying it to not feel guilty was unclear. 

“Can you find anything?” Clara was looking over her shoulder, trying to see the screen. 

“Time Lords are telepathic, so we’re trained from a young age to protect our thoughts, so… Oh… Something! Looks like some coordinates, but the TARDIS is going to need a while to decrypt them, she may be good, but whoever is doing this clearly doesn’t want us to find them. But why would anyone… Oh no, no, no!” The cloister bells were ringing, and the console room suddenly turned red. “What’s going on?” This doesn’t look good!” Graham had to yell to be heard over the noise.

“The telepathic circuits have been hijacked, it’s showing me further into her mind than I needed to go, I can’t stop it. It’s the same thing that is transmitting the voice!” At that moment, a loud and deep voice filled the room, the same one the Doctor had heard when inside Missy’s mind. “Doctor, you will see the things your Thetrena has tried to keep from you. You are not in control anymore. You can’t help her now.” 

“He sounds familiar…. Oi! Voicey! Control this!” She grabbed her sonic and Missy’s umbrella, pointing the two together and creating an ear-piercing wail. It worked, and a few seconds later the bells stopped ringing, and the lights returned to normal. “Maybe you should go back to simply putting your hands into the TARDIS next time Doctor!” But the Doctor wasn’t listening to Clara, instead staring at the one thing left on the screen. A series of memories from her time on the ship. “Kos, I am so, so sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed :-) I'm afraid this is only going to get darker....If you have any suggestions for happy things that can happen, please comment them, I'd love to know. Phoexx
> 
> Note- I'm saying that Missy and the Doctor had 14 children, one who was miscarried. The Doctor's 15th child is Jenny.


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone

I've not updated this in ages. 

I'm about to orphan this work. I don't want to delete this, because there are people who have read it. You know, I have over 400 hits on this and 20000 words so I won't just get rid of it. However, if I am 100% honest, I am really not happy with the plot of this. I do plan on restarting this, taking some of the same plot points and including some of the same details. The more I think about it, this was always destined to fail. Over Lockdown, I had too much time on my hands which resulted in me creating this complicated head canon. Over the past few months I've been on ao3 (and FFN, but I really don't like it over there) I feel like I am a much better writer, so I hope re-plotting, re-starting and in general improving my second go at this will be a lot more successful. Keep an eye on my profile and when I get time to restart this (got a few other things I'm working on at the moment) I'll put a note in the summary. If you are interested, I recently published a one shot called 'When the first second of eternity has passed, I will join you' which is by far the best thing I've published on here. Thank you very much everyone who has read this, and has supported it. I love you all. Phoexx

Profile: Phoenix_Rae_45

If you have any ideas for the restart, please comment them as I'll continue to keep an eye on this.


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